What’s wrong with having two boys?!
So, it’s happened!
We told someone we know that we are having another boy and we got
Accompanied with a sympathetic look and a hold of my hand.
I was totally stunned.
It wasn’t until I walked away that I got angry about it.
It’s not like I’ve been saying that I was desperate to have a girl. Even if I had, why would anyone ever say that to someone?
Why is it that people feel you should have a boy and a girl, one of each, to be happy? Like having two boys will mean our family is somehow incomplete.
It makes me sad that people think that way.
After all, what’s wrong with having two boys!?
We are so happy that Arthur will be having a little brother. We hope that they will be buddies, that they will have adventures together, be there for each other. We are looking forward to seeing their similarities and their differences!
The main thing for us, was that we wanted our kids to be quite close in age. Being expats means that people will often come and go in our lives. We may move to other countries ourselves in the future too. So we wanted them to be close enough to always be able to play together and keep each other company.
It didn’t matter to us if it was a boy or a girl.
In the Seychelles, everyone wants to have a girl. There really is an opinion that boys are lazy. When I was pregnant with Arthur so many people said to us
So I’m surprised, in a sense, that we’ve not had more comments like this yet!
I still find it hard to get used to a culture that is SO girl biased! I’ve met plenty of Seychellois women who can not hide their disappointment at having a boy.
There really can’t be many places in the world where girls are so heavily preferred over boys!
As it’s been the Easter holidays I haven’t seen too many people since we found out we were having another boy, so I expect there will be more awkward half congratulations with a side of sympathy for us!!
I know we probably would have had comments like this wherever we were living, as having one of each, still seems, for some reason, to be the “ideal” family set up. I’m not sure that will ever change.
The advice I’m giving myself is to just smile and say we are happy. Time will tell whether or not I’ll be able to follow that the whole time I’m pregnant, there could well be a follow up post to this where I’ve snapped at someone!!!!
Wow that’s soooo rude, why do people think it’s ok to psd any kind of judgment on a baby of any gender? People can be so tactless. And I had no idea they preferred girls in the Seychelles, that’s so strange isn’t it? I bet we get all those kind of comments if we have another boy too, bleurgh. It’s ok to punch people like that, right?
Notmyyearoff recently posted…Dearest Little Z – Schools, Babies and Red Trainers
Hahaha I think it’s definitely okay!!!
It really is so rude, it makes me so angry but also so sad!! X
Just start every conversation with “We’re so excited! We’re having another boy! Isn’t that great?”. I find it odd that people even care that much – in the end, you will love whatever you have and won’t be able to imagine it any other way. Although I guess if you had had like 24 boys, having a girl would be quite exciting 🙂 I think two of the same sex is the ideal personally – like you say, easier to play with each other! But I am biased of course….I am sure all those people out there with one of each think that’s ideal…..
Clara recently posted…Thank you Mumsnet!
Say what?! Some people are just idiots caught up in their own ideals. I have two boys and it’s AWESOME! My two don’t really get on that well either but it’s still great. They’re like chalk and cheese so it’s not like you can even say ‘aww, two the same poor thing’. It’s crazy what goes through people’s heads.
Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely recently posted…Pretty things
It’s crazy to think that there are some cultures that favour one sex over another. I have two boys and they are fab. They are best buddies (and occasionally worst enemies!) who play/fight/laugh/cry together. Don’t listen to people or feel you have to justified what you have lovingly created!
Becky Brown recently posted…Camping – The Alphabet Adventures
I hate presumptious opinions. But I guess at least yuo can chalk it down to culteral if girls are more favoured there. But yes there is always this ‘one of each’ mentality. I think I’d be quite ahppy if we had another girl. After all, it’s what Munch has already asked for. I just hope she’s easy to talk round if it turns out to be a boy! x
So very very rude! Though a recent member of the 2 boys club I can say I am happy about it! And for anyone that gives me comments about needing a girl – why would I need that when I can send the boys off with Daddy for golf days and go hide in the spa 🙂 xx
Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks recently posted…The dramatic birth of Baby Boy
Haha absolutely a solo spa day sounds pretty amazing!!!! Xx
As a mother of 2 boys, I can say that I’ve been there too with plenty of insensitive comments about not having a girl and I don’t live in the Seychelles! Boys are the best, they’re loving, kind, energetic, fun and so much easier in teenage years!!! But whatever sex of baby you have it’s so irrelevant, what matters is that it’s loved and hopefully healthy. Don’t listen to those silly people! You haven’t had a holiday in Réunion by any chance have you Chantelle? I’m looking for bloggers who have been to French overseas territories and regions. You’ll see the beginning of my new series with Clara (Expat Partner Survival) as a guest blogger if you have a read of my latest post.
Phoebe @ Lou Messugo recently posted…A long weekend in Martinique
I figured it wouldn’t be specific to here, I guess I should expect it from here though!!
Thanks for your lovely words 🙂
I unfortunately haven’t been to Reunion I’d love to go sometime and I know that Mark is looking at organising a school trip there sometime so if I can’t help you maybe he could 🙂 x
I think two boys is lovely, best buddies, someone to play video games with, climb and adventure with, someone to get into trouble with and o to the pub with! Arthur will be an ace big brother too! x
Donna recently posted…Dinosaur Roar! Magazine
Hon this is so crazy and I really can;t blame you for being angry, how dare anyone say that to you! And so so weird for girls to be the preference over boys as you would assume it is most often the other way round in some cultures. anyway from me, huge congratulations of inding out you are having another boy and I am sure he and Arthur will have lots of fun together! xx
Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) recently posted…#MaternityMondays week 17
Thanks lovely! Yes I think it’s pretty unusual for a country to so girl biased as you say if anything it’s usually the other way around!!! We are really excited for our life with two little boys 🙂 x
We got the same when we found out our second was a boy. I’ll admit i would have loved to have a girl, but wouldn’t trade the boys for one….and then when i had another baby 18 years later he was a boy too! I couldn’t be happier! Don’t let others rain on your parade. And i bet they will be very good buddies.
Laura Wolf recently posted…Silent Sunday
You know what I didn’t ever get this, but I’ve heard others who did and it shocks me. I really wanted a boy first time round and after a traumatic birth, I really wanted another boy to relive it and get the birth I wanted with my first. But more than that I really wanted children, I had no preference for gender and it still suprises me today when people are disappointed one way or the other.
I LOVE having 2 boys, they are my world and both are so different. They love absolutely everything too, from My Little Pony to Thomas and enjoy brushing my hair as much as football in the park, boys are really complex and I’ve noticed people don’t always get that, especially when they don’t have boys themselves. My 2 are so different, my eldest, now 5 is so mature and sensible, creative, a thinker, the youngest is fearless, sporty, a cheeky little one. Both amazing, both so different.
I’m so proud of my boys, huge congrats darling, such an exciting time xx
HonestMum recently posted…Rice with Vermicelli
Oh my word. If you do manage to remain polite about comments like that you deserve a medal, lady! I find the opinions people have about things that don’t concern them in the slightest – whether you’re going to have more babies, their gender, or even whether you want kids at all – completely absurd and the idea that it’s okay to voice those opinions even worse. In Italy my husband was often congratulated when it became clear we were expecting a boy, which I found really offensive. I tended to say, “well, we’re just happy that this baby looks like it’s HEALTHY and ALIVE at this point”. That usually shut them up!
Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork recently posted…A Magical Scandi Weekend
Haha I see you have a firey temper just like me!!!! I like your come back that’s a good one, I’ll definitely pocket that for future use!! Xx
Ah, yes. I do. You’ve caught me out on that one! I blame it on the red hair… Xx
Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork recently posted…The quiet before the storm
I totally missed that you were having a boy. Congratulations lovely!!!! Comments like this are so ridiculous and unnecessary. You’re so right to try and focus only on being happy. People make really dumb comments to pregnant women, no idea why. Idiots!! xxx
Potty Mouthed Mummy recently posted…Rainbow Cookies
Ahh thank you 🙂
Yes pregnant women seem to be fair game when it comes to ridiculous comments! Xx
I got this all the time when pregnant with my second boy, I think it was also because they were 11 years apart people expected me to want a girl. I still get it now Archie is two, so many people asking of we are going to try again for a girl. I’m like no, I’m grateful I finally got the second chance to be a mum again after so long, I love my kids not their genders. great post lovely x
“I finally got the second chance to be a mum again after so long” what a lovely suprise… people can be real idiots sometimes that’s why we should not be bothered by their stupid comments. Becoming a mum is so incredibly special that I don’t see why a baby’s gender should matter so much. xx
Congratulations on being pregnant with a boy. That is wonderful news. I am sure Arthur will love having a little brother. I can’t believe someone actually said that to you. That is he rudest thing ever. I think I would have hit them. Why do people always feel that if you are pregnant they are allowed to inflict their bizarre opinions on you?!?! It is so infuriating. I hope you don’t have to cope with any more comments like this. Hugs Mrs H xxxxx
Mrs H recently posted…My Captured Moment – To infinity and beyond!
Ahhh thank you for this lovely comment that’s very sweet!!! People really can say stupid and insensitive things to pregnant people!! I don’t ever think it’s deliberately nasty, but it’s just very unthoughtful!! Xx
I got thoroughly sick of the questions when I was pregnant the second time, we didn’t find out the sex so it was always ‘are you hoping for a girl’?? Eh, no, just a baby thanks! It was a hundred times worse the third time round… And, actually the comments once we’d had the wee girl were worse ‘you must be so pleased you got your girl’ as if I had kept trying till I got it right?!? I’m getting annoyed again, there might be a blog post in this 🙂
Sara (@mumturnedmom) recently posted…The Prompt 64
And, massive congratulations on your boy; boys are fab, and brothers are amazing x
Sara (@mumturnedmom) recently posted…The Prompt 64
Wow! I never realised people could be so disrespectful about gender ! a MASSIVE congratulations on another boy. Girl or boy, a baby is a blessing in every way!. It’s as though people have no filter whatsoever, I have the (dis)pleasure of working in retail and my God, the ridiculous comments people would make to me while pregnant, some would leave me in tears! (pregnancy hormones or not!)
Congratulations once again!xxx
Hey everyone,
i am glad most of you find it ridiculous that one gender could be preferred over the other, but why would one be estranged by the fact that girls are preferred over boys as opposed to the other way around? isn’t that a sort of refreshing exception in the patriarchal world where you aren’t a real family unless you have a boy and in a lot of places baby girls are aborted or seem like and are treated like a curse? And as much as i appreciate you being against these stupid comments i am always surprised how each and every child is again pressed into one half of a gender binary. if it so doesnt matter what it’ll be why force it into a category once its there?
all the best to all you fellow moms, may your children flourish in all shapes and genders!
That was just rude! Can’t believe somebody would say it 😀 Anyways, I understand, how unpleasant it sounds, especially, when you are pregnant – things always get closer to heart. Don’t take it personally – those are problems of other people, all in their mind, so why should you care!
We have two girls, but when we lived in China, we still had only one. They have a very big thing about boys – it has to be a boy! Because a girl goes away to her husband’s family, it’s almost like she’s not part of your family straight from the beginning. She will visit graves of her in-laws and not her parents, her kids will be grandchildren with father’s name and not yours. Lots of weird misconceptions. It got to the point that some people would even get an illegal abortion, if it was a girl, and try for a boy again (it’s not like they can have lots of children there – it would just get too expensive paying penalties). Due to that, now that have many more men than women in the country.
I say – whoever you have, wish they’re healthy and happy – then it’s all just perfect 🙂
Congratulations! I am so happy for you and I am sure that Arthur would be delighted to have a new playmate. Its like this from where I am. The perfect family is one boy or one girl. So when you only have one they will bug you with when are you going to have the next one. If you have 2 boys (or girls) they will be very sympathetic like its the end of the world to have the same gender for children. Enjoy your pregnancy as you are glowing =)
Merlinda Little ( @pixiedusk) recently posted…Weightloss Journey Update
That is incredibly rude! Another one of those strange culture shocks I suppose, but don’t let it get to you! I am sure Arthur will absolutely adore his little brother, and so will you and your partner… So thats all that really matters! #myexpatfamily
MOMM recently posted…First Birthday Celebrations: Part 1
Congratulations on your little boy. We have a boy (eldest) and two girls, I can honestly say the only thing I cared about was that the baby was happy and healthy and would have the opportunity to show me what a wonderful little person they are. Your two lads will be the best of friends through thick and thin – Arthur will never remember time without his little brother. Sounds like perfection to me.
Ersatz Expat recently posted…Paradise in Sarawak
I remember people being over-enthusiastic when they found out I was having a boy, after having my girl. I would have been happy with two girls. Or two boys. Not sure why it is the ideal to have one child of each gender. At least if they are the same gender, they are more likely to be good friends as adults (that’s probably not true). But anyway, as long as the baby is healthy, who care?!
Californian Mum in London recently posted…The Accent of an Expat
That is a weird concept that boys are lazier than girls – it totally depends on how you bring them up! And how offensive to be sympathetic when the baby is healthy and everything is going fine. There are a lot of advantages to having two the same, whether they are boys or girls, in terms of hand-me-down clothes, sharing a room as they get older, maybe sharing more of the same interests ( although not necessarily). Just ignore the ignorant comments!
#MyExpatFamily
Ruth recently posted…Things to do in Mexico when you’re hungry #2 – Tortillas
Aww Hun i feel for you! In Gibraltar they’re also not backwards about being forwards. I wanted a surprise but everyone was insistent (down to the mailman) that I was having a boy. People even started gifting me baby boys clothes and toys when I was only twenty weeks pregnant. I was told by many I was huge, and a couple said I would give birth prematurely. (As it so happens they were right but it’s still not something you should say!) Chin up and revel in your own happiness, a baby is the greatest gift no matter the sex. Ignore those with loud misguided opinions, hard to do when you’re bubbling over with hormones I know! You look incredible by the way! X #myexpatfamily
Polly Mixtures recently posted…Bluebird Tea Co Review
Oh my goodness, I’m shocked!!! How can people be so rude and insensitive especially on such a wonderful occasion! It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl the main thing should be that this new baby is healthy! I’m sorry you have to be surrounded by these morons… you shouldn’t really be listening to them because this is supposed to be a special time in a woman’s life and be enjoyed to the fullest! I’m sorry these comments make you sad but I actually think these people are sad! And regarding the snapping thing you are MORE than allowed to do that, and if you feel bad just blame the hormones 😉 xxx